Opening Up: My Breastfeeding Journey

Before I got pregnant, I never thought about breastfeeding. I was 100% formula fed and I thought that I would probably do the same with my child. However, once I got pregnant, I decided to do a deeper dive into breastfeeding and became fascinated by this magical juice that women create.

That being said, I want to very firmly state that however you choose to feed your baby is the right way for YOU to feed your baby. Whether you nurse, pump, give formula or do a hybrid, all of these ways are the perfect way to feed your child. At the end of the day, nourishing your baby is what matters.

As someone that fell in love with breastfeeding, but was only able to do it for 4 months as a result of my son's soy-dairy protein intolerance, I wanted to share insights about what I learned in case this is helpful for new moms or expecting parents. Deciding to stop breastfeeding was EXTREMELY emotional for me; however, in hindsight I am now grateful that I made the decisions that I did to stop. I feel like I am better prepared for any future children having gone through my breastfeeding journey, and I hope that you will find the information below relatable, helpful and/or encouraging.

FAIR WARNING: The content I share below is personal and might not be everyone's cup of tea to read about. If you don't want to hear or learn about breastfeeding, this might not be the blog post for you and that is perfectly fine! I will have some lighthearted posts coming your way soon :)

Consider taking a breastfeeding class before giving birth. I knew barely anything about breastfeeding until about 7 months into my pregnancy. As I started getting closer to my due date, I had made the decision that I wanted to give breastfeeding a try, but I was feeling really unprepared. My husband AND I signed up for a breastfeeding workshop, and I have to say this was one of the best decisions I ever made. No amount of reading ore pre-breastfeeding workshops can predict how your breastfeeding journey is going to go or how long it will last. However, I did feel SO much better prepared for postpartum life as a result of taking a class. Additionally, having my husband there to support me in this endeavor allowed me to relax a little as I didn't feel like I was alone in keeping track of all of this new information in my brain. If you live in PA, the class we took was at Gathered Birth in Media, PA. I also took prenatal yoga there and highly recommend checking them out!

Try to manage your expectations. So many new moms really want to make breastfeeding work. As a new mom, you already feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. One thing that I am very proud of is that I went into breastfeeding with an open mind. I told myself that if I worked hard at nursing and it worked out----great. If I had a low milk supply, constantly had infections or just couldn’t manage it, then I would switch to formula. Having this flexible mindset helped me manage my expectations and not put too much pressure on myself going into breastfeeding. Now--that isn't to say that I didn't have a hard time giving up breastfeeding, because I definitely struggled. However, going back to this mantra of "if it works--great! if it doesn't---that's ok!" really did help me overcome my sadness and anxiety when I stopped nursing.

Don’t assume the hospital lactation consultants will be helpful. A few friends and family members warned me that the lactation consultants (LCs) at the hospital might not be the best. I gave birth at one of the world’s top hospitals and told myself that they wouldn’t employ someone who wasn’t extremely competent. Turns out my friends and family could not have been more accurate. The lactation consultant that was assigned to me was not helpful at all. I had my son Zac a month early and my milk took a little bit more time to come in than might be considered typical. This LC was not sensitive to this and seemed almost frustrated that I wasn't getting the hang of nursing immediately in the hospital. She kept on giving me "helpful tips" but her descriptions of what to do with my nipple, where to place my hands or how to hold Zac in place made no sense to me. Her constant feedback was overwhelming and almost drove me to exclusively pump my breastmilk (a true torture IMO) or give up breastfeeding a mere 48 hours after becoming a mom.

Ask for a list of LC recommendations from your OBGYN before you give birth. Check your insurance plan.

And my story above is what leads me to say that you should definitely NOT give up on nursing if you have a bad experience with an LC in the hospital. Two days after I gave birth I needed to go see my OBGYN for a postpartum check up. At my visit, I ended up sharing how disappointed I was with the hospital LC and that I was giving up breastfeeding because I felt like it was too late to learn. My OBGYN was horrified by my experience at the hospital and insisted that it was definitely not too late for me to try nursing Zac if I wanted to still pursue it. He printed out a list of LC recommendations and suggested that I set up an appointment with a private LC within the week. One big thing that I want to emphasize about seeing an LC is that MANY insurance plans cover visits at 100%. I never paid a dime to see my private LC, and it was a gamechanger in my decision to pursue help. Don't let ignorance or fear stop you from asking for help when you need it! Look up which LCs are covered by your insurance before you give birth so that you know you can seek help without worrying about cost.

Make an appointment with a private lactation consultant for after you leave the hospital.

Seeing my private LC changed everything. It took me a few weeks and a LOT of practice at home to get Zac to latch correctly, but even after my first visit I saw so much progress. Some of my sessions lasted over 2 hours with my LC because Zac was being fussy or he would fall asleep while we were trying to nurse. However, she really took the time to tailor all of her suggestions to my specific situation and it truly helped me build my confidence around nursing to the point that it became easy! One piece of advice that I feel I should share is that even if you feel like you are a breastfeeding pro (maybe you are having your second child for example), I would suggest seeing an LC after you give birth. Every child is different, and the challenges they face with breastfeeding might be completely different from your first child. Seeing a private LC even once after you give birth is a great way to continue to build your confidence in the area of breastfeeding.

Join a breastfeeding moms group (in person post-pandemic; virtual for now). I am not going to lie....I honestly hated maternity leave. While I really appreciated the time at home to be with Zac, maternity leave was lonely, isolating and really, really hard. Joining a breastfeeding moms group at Dupont Nemours in Villanova was one of the BEST decisions I ever made. First, it allowed me to learn more about breastfeeding by observing other moms. I know that might sound creepy to say, but at the same time sometimes you need to watch someone else do something to learn a new technique. Second, it got me OUT OF THE HOUSE, which was so so important in maintaining my mental health and feeling "normal." Finally, it was great to be able to share my frustrations, worries and exhaustion with other moms that were in the same boat and not the least bit judgmental. When I joined the group, Zac was the youngest baby there and it was so helpful to share what stage we were at with Zac's development, and also learn about what I could possibly expect in the coming weeks, months or years. Moms should always help other moms, and I am so grateful I had the chance to meet so many wonderful women during my time in the Tuesday afternoon breastfeeding group.

Be aware of possible breastfeeding roadblocks. When I first started breastfeeding I was consumed with worry that I would always be in pain in some way. However, if done correctly, nursing should NEVER be painful. If you are experiencing any pain whatsoever, definitely call your doctor or LC and make an appointment. There are a lot of possible breastfeeding roadblocks out there, so stay educated about the types of challenges you might encounter including, but not limited to, mastitis, clogged ducts, milk oversupply, milk undersupply, and soy/dairy protein allergies.

Don’t give up! But also know when it’s time to give up. (Yes I know that’s an oxymoron). As I mentioned in my introduction, I did make the difficult decision to stop breastfeeding after 4 months. For several weeks Zac had been extremely colicky after almost every feeding. He would scream in pain, and I knew something was wrong. I brought in his diaper to be tested by his pediatrician, and they did detect blood in his stool. Typically, this is a sign of a soy/dairy protein intolerance (which babies often grow out of by 9 months), but in order to identify what foods I was eating that were bothering Zac via nursing, I needed to do an elimination diet.

While I was willing to cut out dairy, soy, eggs (the usual allergy culprits), it was not going to be easy and it was daunting. I started off with cutting out dairy first. After two weeks, the dairy proteins would be flushed out of my breastmilk and I would know if this was the what was causing Zac's pain or if it was something else. After two weeks of no dairy Zac only seemed a little better. He was still colicky and his diapers continued to test positive for blood in it.

I then decided to cut dairy AND soy out of my diet. Here's a fun fact for you: SOY AND DAIRY ARE IN EVERYTHING WE EAT. I was truly going crazy checking food labels, cooking special meals for myself and reading up on everything I could trying to figure out what was bothering Zac. In the end, even after cutting out the soy and dairy, Zac's behavior didn't change and his stool still tested positive for blood in it.

After weeks of trying to identify the problem, I was mentally exhausted and drained. My husband Danny knew that I really wanted to continue to breastfeed ( I had worked so hard to get it to work!) but he also reminded me that switching to formula was not the same as admitting defeat. He assured me that Zac would still be healthy, strong and happy if we switched to formula, and as a result I would be happier and less stressed out. As a bonus, Danny could help much more with feedings which would allow me to get additional sleep and have more time to myself.

After 4 months of trying everything I could, it was time to give up nursing and move on. I definitely felt down as I started the process of weaning off of breastfeeding. In the end, Danny was right though; the first day that I gave Zac his hypoallergenic formula, I saw him intentionally smile for the very first time:

Zac, 4 Months

Knowing when to keep trying and knowing when to stop were important milestones in my breastfeeding journey. As I stated earlier, however you choose to feed your baby, it is the RIGHT decision. There should not be any guilt associated with making the decision to stop nursing/pumping or deciding to give your baby formula from the get go. At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for you and your family. As much as I would have loved to continue nursing Zac until he was 1 years old, I am really grateful for the time that I did nurse him and how much I learned about myself in the process.